Yeah, i lied.
I lied when I said i'm not interested in anyone.
I lied when I said i wanna stay single, flirt around and chill.
I lied when I said i don't want or like relationships.
I lied.. because that's what you said and were thinking.
What am i suppose to say to someone i want, when they don't want a thing?
He has no idea.. and he never will .



i can't believe it.. but, ive got it bad.
real bad.



Day one.
BORING! Stayed home again, arg. i feel so trapped, im allowed to go anywhere but thing is there's no where to go and theres difficulty's to hang with people, blah is groounded, blah is out of town, blah has no money, etc. SO ANNOYING, luckily it hasnt snowed yet , hopefully it wont snow at all! Funny how there was only one snow fall and it wasnt even alot haha! Anyways ive been having many dreams about someone, and im not gonna lie, i like them, haha, they seem so realistic! oh my, if only if only. I could see myself with this person, no difficulties, which is weird from the usual guys. Those cute/hot guys i used to swoon over and obsess bout.. i dont see anymore, or at least for now, example, one guy i was crazy about comment on something of mines on facebook, i would have been excited and happy and freaking out that he pays attention to my exsistance. . not this time, i just looked it over like any other notifycation. no biggie anymore.. I hope things go out well, maybe tm will be more interesting. (YN) plus i wished on 11:11.. uh i kinda wished something but it related to each other.. kinda, so would it count as one or two?OH I HOPE THEY BOTH COME TRUE! ttyl guys later, who ever's reading, your a creeper.

xo elsie



yeah, alot of you know me as that strong, independent, "don't need anyone" chick. Maybe that's right, i don't even know honestly. Do i need someone? Or am i fine on my own.. I don't talk much about my feelings or problems, i usually just act happy and try doing something to get my mind off stuff when i'm around friends, because honestly, no one wants to hear that kinda crap or help deal with it, so best just suck it up and smile, But i can't ignore it all when i'm sitting at home, alone, it's nearly impossible. I don't feel like doing anything, but just sitting here listening to sad music. Whats wrong with me? I think i might have depression due to the woman who i call mom and guys. Guys always used me, play me and spit me right back out. "Your a strong person, your not the type of girl who gets played" Yeah, maybe i am, maybe i was . . it's different now, i think I bring the hurt onto myself believing in people who i shouldn't have and creating images of happiness that clearly never comes true. So stupid of me to believe any of those guys would actually sincerely like me. When i like someone.. i look way too far into it, and i feel too much when i shouldnt. Why should i care when those guys dont ? When they prob have other girls they flirt with and fool around with, im so stupid to think they would like me and stick with one girl, foolish to think it would be me.. I don't understand at all. Am i not pretty enough? Am i not interesting? Why don't guys like me.. for me , or even other people. I guess what i'm wanting.. is acceptance . Maybe i don't even need that either, maybe i just stand out, or maybe i'm just thinking too highly of myself. "i stand out?" yeah prob thinking too highly.



hey people who are reading this, i'm back . I'm in a somewhat good mood, no school for 2 weeks, new customized blackberry soon + new # , AWESOME PLAN , LINK ME UP! And Im loaded with cash, cha ching! I'm ready to party & have fun! SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! haha, anyways hm what's new.. yesterday was bin's birthday (jin) it was alright, and it was at star walk buffet , and of course i was obese with saadi :) Today i just chilled at home most of the time, so tired and lazy but it is sunday so whatever. uhh i guess that's it for now, ttyl homes.

xo elsie.